“I’m a no to getting into the car right now”
“Let me have some boobie”
"Where did my daughter get these phrases from?" I asked the other day. And then I reflected on ways I communicate with her. I often tell her that I’m a “yes” to her doing something, or a “no” to it. I laughed out loud when I heard her using this phrase with me.
I also often say to her “let me finish _____, and then I’ll _____.”
Hearing her reflect these phrases back to me (this is just a few of many she has learned) has me reflecting even more deeply on how I communicate with her:
I love that she feels empowered in her being to tell me what she’s a “yes” or a “no” to. That one feels great to me.
"I love that she feels empowered in her being to tell me what she’s a “yes” or a “no” to. That one feels great to me."
The second one has me recognizing the co-creative way I communicate. Rather than being direct with her and saying “I’m doing this,“ I notice my language has more of a flow to it.
I wonder if at times she wants me to be more direct and so that a container through my words is here for her.
This tiny human is learning how to be human through how I communicate. And so much more. She’s noticing my emotions, how I treat others, my body language, and other basic tasks of how to do human. And how to be human.
I love the way this invites me to reflect on what I’m modeling to her. And there’s obvious ones. Like if I want her to respect my body and what’s ok and not ok, I need to respect hers. The mutuality there is vital.
And how I choose to communicate things also impacts her. Children love feeling held and contained. It’s a way they know safety. So if I’m more assertive in my language in moments, then she knows I’ve got her and she doesn’t have to make decisions about everything. And then there’s moments where she feels empowered to makes choices. Ahhh the ongoing nuances of getting to be a guide to support my daughter to thrive. What an honor.
Big Love and Delight,
Mandalena
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