“Mama I love Kintu but his behavior of peeing on our cushions is not ok”
We are happily welcoming our newest family member… Kintu the cat 😻
He came into our lives in the most magical of ways. He’s a super snuggler and great with dogs and children. So much about him feels so right. And we’re having some challenges around his peeing practices. While this could be a whole post on the journey about the cat’s elimination choices that’s not what this post is about.
It’s about this statement out of my 3 yr olds mouth. ⬆️
Ahhhh, it’s music to my ears. My daughter can distinguish between unconditional love for our cat while not being ok with some of his behaviors. She’s not taking her love away from him, that’s there no matter what. But, she’d like for a specific behavior of his to change.
The is is what we’ve consistently modeled to her. When I’m upset with a behavior of hers, I reassure her that I love her. I do not break the connection between us. The love and connection that gives my daughter a rested sense of safety, security and well being always remains. This is unwavering.
And...some behaviors need redirecting, or do not feel safe.
"When I’m upset with a behavior of hers, I reassure her that I love her. I do not break the connection between us."
In my heart of hearts I’ve wanted to ensure she knows the difference between these two things.
Why? Because I don’t want my love to feel conditional. Or that she has to earn my love. Or that only some of her behaviors receive my love but others do not. I don’t want to have her looking outside of herself for external approval or that she’ll be rewarded or punished depending on how she acts.
What I do want for her is to understand that behaviors have impact, on others and herself. And that she feel and gain her own understanding of these impacts. Then, from an internal place, make a different choice. And while she discovers that in her 3 year old body, she knows she’s still loved. No matter what.
"I don’t want to have her looking outside of herself for external approval or that she’ll be rewarded or punished depending on how she acts."
Her inner compass intact, she will have awareness of her impacts and perhaps choose differently next time.
So, as she said this about our new cat, my heart smiled bright in knowing she’s learning the difference.
And now, I’m off to clean up more cat pee. 😏 💩 🐈
Big Love and Delight,
Mandalena
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